Game, Set…

old06

I signed up for a popular dating site last week. Can you guess which one based on the title of this post?

Some things I’ve learned about this newfangled online dating situation (hi, apparently I’m writing this from the year 2003) and it’s only been a couple of days:

1) Getting your PROFILE rejected by hugely popular dating site isn’t the best way to start things off. And they don’t tell you WHY you need to rewrite it, they just list reasons that range from You stupidly listed your home address to You are a prostitute in disguise. It turned out to be rejected because I said the word “shit” in my profile which I was all defensive about until my sister was like, “WHY would you talk about ‘shit’ in your profile?” I conceded her point and then let it go.

3) My coupled-up girlfriends are really excited about this endeavor. Probably more excited about it than I am because they get to pick over profiles with me and I actually have to go out with people.

2) Well, HELLO defense-mechanism-based-humor. It’s been so very long since we’ve seen each other. Had I known that by putting myself “out there” so publicly, that seeking this very vulnerable position would cause you to erupt from within me like the old dragon in Gringotts Bank*, I would’ve chained myself to a radiator before hitting “Submit Profile.”

3) Alarming: So many of these guys’ profiles look exactly the same. Dude in backwards baseball hat. Likes sports bars, “diet and exercise” and Seinfeld reruns. If you lean toward Bro-town for your dating needs, run, don’t walk to Match.com. (Did I ruin the surprise? Sorry about that.)

4) For the girls out there- if you looked at a guy’s profile and he listed “cuddling” as one of his favorite activities, do you automatically cough “ass-kisser” or is that just me?

5) Really? You’re 37 years old and your range for a girl starts at EIGHTEEN? Was that merely an oversight? Because ew. And no.

As you can see, this is going to be a disaster. And I would apologize for the uncharacteristically cynical tone of this post but see #2. And just for a dash of hopefulness, I will say that a couple of guys actually made me clasp my hands in joy as bird twirled and sang overhead.

 

*It’s time to play “Count the references that make me still single!” Winner gets s custom-made Spinsters Forever kit and a very used copy of Bridget Jones’ Diary.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Etc., Relationships, Technology, Web. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Game, Set…

  1. hollie g says:

    I have an important real-life lesson for you: If someone is IMing with you (apparently they have their own chat feature like FB does) on a Sunday evening, and they suggest you meet up that night, this person is not looking for a meaningful, long term relationship! From friends in the know, the chat feature in general is for booty calls only. Or as I call it, the herpes chat room.

  2. Oh my God, you are hilarious. There is a guy out there for you; he is sexy and intelligent and does not wear a backwards ball cap. If I could find one (in a small town no less, and he lovingly tells me that in bars I glare at the guys with a back of you are not good enough for me look) you can too. Never settle. Serial monogamy or independence with good sex once in awhile is way better than a bad marriage.

  3. cococollage says:

    Very nice!
    I joined an online dating site on my birthday (sad but true), about a week ago because I really never meet anyone who’s hobbies don’t include ‘getting drunk every other night’ and ‘regurgitating Family Guy jokes’. Not that I in any way object to the latter, I mean God knows where would I be today without Stewie? But I just want something different now, someone who can stay sober long enough to hear the punch line to my jokes. Someone who’s intelligent enough to spell his own name…back wards even.
    Although its only been a few days, I’ve started noticing a pattern already- with the guys I’m attracting that is . Now how can I put this delicately, they all either NERDS or PERVERTS- a guy more than twice my age actually contacted me twice begging me to give him a chance. All because I revealed my love for thrifting and second hand book stores?
    What’s my point you say? Je sais pas, maybe that ‘you can run but you can’t hide’, ‘all dating sites are notoriously creepy’ and ‘everyday is a winding road’- sheryl crow
    Like with everything else in life, just trust your instincts, and always carry a can of mace. TRUST NO ONE

  4. Caity says:

    I can TOTALLY relate to all of these. and i agree with all of them to. i couldn’t have said it better myself 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s