Things aren’t going so great on the unemployment front. Meaning my polished veneer is about to crack and all of my steady, positive thinking is starting to see some serious dips.
This evening, I had a world-class pity party. That’s right. You weren’t invited, sorry. It was just me. Even Charlie Bagel decided to skip this one, choosing instead to lay down in the bathroom (aka HIS MORTAL ENEMY the bathroom- I was that pathetic) while I sat on the floor, back literally up against the wall, trying to remember how to breath. This is one of those moments when you start to question just how much of your life you’ve wasted, on writing, on a career that apparently is the most vulnerable career in the history of mankind, on everything, everything, everything…
I have just barely managed to pull my body off the floor. And I’ve decided to cut myself a little slack. We’re going back to this old school. I have one last credit card left and I intend to use it. Not on anything drastic, mind you, but if I need to dangle a few rewards in front of my face to get me to where I need to be, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do. It’s game time. It’s Month Nine of Unemployment and positive thinking alone isn’t going to cut it anymore.
I could use a little help. I have three goals for the foreseeable future and so far, I could only come up with two rewards. So I’m opening up the floor- leave your suggestions in the comments.
Goal 1: Send out 25 resumes this week
Why this deserves a reward: Because it’s been NINE MONTHS. Because I’ve applied to EVERY JOB UNDER THE SUN. Because instead of giving birth to a JOB, like I was supposed to by now, I will instead give birth to THIS-
Why? Because I found it online for $80 and I intend to make it mine. 25 resumes, I can totally do that for this. (Especially since Bravo decided to skip airing the show this week so we can gorge ourselves on Flipping Out and Real Housewives marathon. I can’t even tell you how devastated I am over this and it’s just for a week- that’s how much I’ve come to depend on the show during this crisis).
Goal 2: Mail out 50 Literary Agency and Publishing House queries for my novel
Why this deserves a reward: Because I’m already rejected on a daily basis by every employer in America and now I’m asking A WHOLE OTHER INDUSTRY to reject me as well. Because not only is this painful, it’s COSTING ME MONEY (the printing, the copies, the shipping). So, as soon as my 50 are mailed, I’m going here.
Why? Because I’m hungry. And because Bon Appetit named it one of its best new restaurants of the year and because it’s in CHICAGO and I DESERVE IT.
And now, the third goal. This one will take some time.
Goal 3: Finish the second novel. I’m on Chapter 4. Plenty of time to think of something and it’s gotta be something good. Because once it’s done, we have to do Goal 2 ALL OVER AGAIN.
So, what should it be? A trip? A day at the spa? Jumping out of an airplane? What do you think?