My friend Katie was visiting a few weeks ago and she left behind a book and a dress when she went back to Boston. I promised, as any good friend would, to mail the dress back as soon as I was finished reading the book. The book was this-
Basically, we’re all going to die. Not because I read a diet book after swearing never to do so ever ever again. But because Jillian Michaels thinks the world is trying to kill us (pesticides, artificial flavorings and plastic- WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.) and after reading this, I’m convinced she’s right. But whatever. I’m not going to sell you on the book or this whole metabolism-hormone business. That’s her job.
I’m going right to the meal plan. Because really, Jillian, what the hell were you thinking? Just ONCE I would like to see a realistic meal plan that doesn’t involve seven days of completely unique meals (3 times a day, that’s 21 unique meals), so that the writer is bearing in mind that unlike some people, not all of us can afford to buy all of this stuff for a WEEK’S WORTH OF GROCERIES.
I’ve come across this kind of ludicrous thinking in diet books before but Jillian’s takes the cake. She helpfully supplied a shopping list for all the things you’d need for a week- the shopping list took up THREE SOLID PAGES. If you actually were to buy all of that stuff, not only would the majority of it be wasted and go bad by the time you got to it (that’s the price we pay for eating “whole foods”), but you probably wouldn’t even manage to get it all to your car in one go. Not to mention that the list must’ve added up to at least $250. I think I was so irritated by the lack of conscientiousness on that point that it soured the book for me a little. And it’s a good book (HORRIFYING but good).
One last point and then I’ll shut up about it (it’s been an unbearable day and it’s only 3. Oh my God)- she actually addresses someone who is all, “Hey, Jillian Michaels, maybe not everyone could afford to buy organic everything including household cleaners” and says that if you’re already spending a $100 a week (A WEEK) on food, then you shouldn’t have a problem. $100. That’s more than my budget for two weeks. So basically I’m going to die. Yo might as well inject me with pesticides and mate me with a hormonal cow. (Also, Jillian, that thing about how you shouldn’t eat out as much anymore because you don’t know where the food is coming from and then you said you cut down and now you only go out to eat five times a week(!!!) was hilarious. And then it occurred to me that, unlike me, most people can probably remember the last time they’d stepped foot inside a restaurant. As I said, it’s been an unbearable day.)