New Old New

ollie_small4This morning, I stood at the foot of my bed and assessed the damage. Two full laundry bags, filled with all my usual everyday clothes, ready and waiting for the basement laundry. I glanced back at the dresser that I knew was filled with shirts, yes, but no pants. Not a single pair.

With a sigh, even though I figured it was useless, I walked to the closet. It’s been warmer in Chicago the last few days but not warm enough to wear a dress. Not to mention that it’s raining today and I feel like being covered, from head to toe, just wrapped up all the way.
I had a nightmare last night, a dream that I had to go back to my first job out of college, “that” job, the one that you remember from time to time and makes you wince because you were young and stupid and it was a terrible, terrible job. I woke up feeling both desperate and sad.

My hand ran along the hangers, dismissing old dresses and tailored pants, an old blue robe, a few sweaters. Pants that I still have even though they’re just a little too tight, one size too small.

I grab one of the pairs anyone and my hand falls on a tag. A tag. This is a new pair of jeans in my closet. I scratch my head and pull them out. They’re dark blue and long and, yes, another tag is on the back. I glance at the size on the label. My size.

I’m sure this happens a lot to a woman who shops a lot. I mean, I imagine one of those girls who comes home every weekend with bags of new clothes and tosses them in the closet, only to discover them months later when she’s fretting over what to wear. I’m sure it happens  a lot. I, on the other hand, only go shopping when I absolutely have to or when I’m in New York and my mother tricks me into shopping, the way you tell your child you’re going to get ice cream and then you take them to the dentist instead. Finding a new anything in my closet is bizarre. I’d just as assume open it and find the White Rabbit sitting there amongst my pile of shoes, sipping tea and checking his watch.

Bewildered, I put them on. They fit.

It’s a small thing this morning but I’ll take it.


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