That’s It

[Note: Ok, so I wrote this last night and, admittedly, I MAY have had one too many fury-tinis. In the light of day, I am not feeling quite as explosive. Aaaaaaand PROCEED]

I’ve had enough.

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The ads for Bride Wars have got to stop. I mean it.

Ok, take a deep breath. Not every Hollywood executive is under the impression that the only movies women will pay to see revolve around an obsession to get married. Right? Right???

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Sigh.

Thank God for the small screen. Instead of muffling my screams at the multiplex with fistfuls of salted, buttery popcorny goodness, I can instead just pretend I am Fiona the Spy.

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Instead of being forced to swallow yet another reflection of what a bunch of middle-aged white dudes with Botoxed brows believe are my top priorities (mainly, humiliating myself at every turn to Get the Guy- cue food fight, falling off things, ripping someone’s hair out, running anywhere montage), I can instead slink through Miami in a series of sundresses and platform heels that double as a deadly weapon.

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Rather than obsess over whether he’ll call and if I should call him or is that too needy, I can plant a bomb under some drug runner’s boat and set it off with my sleek little cell phone.

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Oh, yeah. It’s almost February and I am in that kind of mood. Let’s blow some stuff up.

Season 3 of Burn Notice starts Thursday (1/22) at 9/8c on USA.

Catch up here. You’re welcome.

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3 Responses to That’s It

  1. Kari says:

    Thank you. I’m not a person who generally shouts at the TV (oh, that’s a lie), but I had to tell my TV to shut the XXXX up every XXXXing time they ran that XXXXing “Bride Wars” preview.

    XXXX = your dear readers might be sensitive to the things I might normally write here.

    Burn Notice = all thumbs are go.

  2. thecreme says:

    I think you’ve nailed it. Studio execs are imbeciles. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy though – look at the industry surrounding weddings – gigantic! Personally, my favorite movies (today) are:

    1. Top Gun
    2. Everyone says I Love you
    3. Six Degrees of Separation
    4. Royal Tenenbaums

    Don’t get me wrong, I dig a good Pride & Prejudice marathon every now and then, but COME ON.

    Nice post Ollie.

  3. Beal says:

    I mean, Kate Hudson, obviously this is the role of a lifetime — zany, wedding dress, pratt falls, bangs — but Anne Hathaway, you’re better than that. Get Smart was one thing, Bride Wars is quite another. And I’m pretty sure every time I hear of a wedding I don’t think, “Oh dear god when will it be me?” rather the obvious question comes to mind, “Will there be an open bar?”

    Also, I LOVE “Everyone Says I Love You.”

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