If you’re a human being between the ages of 8 and 70, chances are you have a wedding this summer. If you’re in your 20’s and 30’s, you have approximately 32 weddings this summer. “Chicken or Fish” is all you’re going to hear until we hit fall so you might as well get used to it.
I spent some time this morning digging through the trenches known as the Crate & Barrel Wedding Registry, looking in vain for gifts that were slightly more unique and thoughtful than “Bamboo Waste Can.” Don’t get me wrong- the concept of the “wedding gift” is a sweet one- this cultural concept of supplying the betrothed couple with everything they need to start their life together. Kind of like burying the Egyptians with hand towels and spatulas for the after life. And salt and pepper shakers. And Ikea flatware.
While I don’t begrudge the cough-thousands-cough of dollars I’ve spent on my friends and family over the years for just this occasion, I am going to encourage you to put down your William Sonoma catalog and just say NO to the registry. Let Aunt Murtle purchase the mother-of-pearl turkey platter for $10.99 (quantity- 1). I promise you the happy couple will have more than enough when they get back from Sandals. And with a little happy Internet shopping on your part, they’ll find a few surprises too. Aren’t they lucky to have such stylish, thoughtful friends?
The bane of every couple’s existence- the “thank you” cards. At least you’ve given them something pretty to look at while they’re battling writer’s block and hand cramping.
Just think of what you can write on the gift card! Endless references about them skewering each other…with love obviously. Also makes for a very stylish toothpick.
Can’t you just hear the shrieks of joy as your best friend from college, expecting just another silver butter dish, pulls this sucker out of the box, much like Mary Poppins pulls the lamp from her carpet bag? It’s MAGIC.
Oh, pasta. Oh, parmesan. I now pronounce you delicious. You may reside peacefully in my belly.
“Oh, did you get them the candlesticks? Yeah, the best I could do was a KICK ASS CHANDELIER. No, I will not calm down, YOU calm down! No, don’t take my drink!”